muttering

My blog is my homepage. I thought that would help motivate me to blog more consistently. And, well, six weeks later, I'm no more consistent than I was before. And that's pretty much my life these days. Inconsistent. Good intentions. Not much follow through. It's been that way for two years. Since my dad's death I've felt as if I've come undone. It hurts. It hurts worse today than the day he died. He was a stronger presence in my life than I realized. Boy, can't you just hear Bette Midler singing Wind Beneath My Wings right now. Ick. Not that I don't like Bette Midler. She has a great voice. But that song. Maybe it's just that anything that gets played eighty times a day on the radio is destined to make people sick. I'm now officially rambling. I'm writing about my dad's death and Bette Midler in the same paragraph. If my husband was here he would tell me to relax and focus. He is good at those things. I am not. And so, for two years, I have been an impatient, sad, irritable mess. Don't you just love writing the truth about yourself? It's one thing to know it, but another to put it out there for people to read. I'm not worried though. I think three people read my blog. Two of them live here. They already know I'm a mess.  So today I went thumbing through the Psalms, desperate for comfort. And I found myself muttering things under my breath...from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge...so will I ever sing praises to your name...for God alone my soul waits in silence, from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be greatly shaken...trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us...these are not the things I have been muttering, breathing out, chewing on for the last two years. But I have the words of life at my disposal.

Lord, be glorified in my mourning and my dancing, my grief and my joy, my tears and my laughter...

Comments

[Make-it-do.blogspot.com]

That's one of my favorite verses! Well, I'll be following your blog too now that I'm back in the land of the living!

[Kev]

I love you!!!

[Dixie]

I find muttering a good thing to do. It's easier for me since I'm the only one here, don't need the kids thinking I any more crazy then they already do. Trusting in God is the only thing that gets me through a bad day.

[Ginger Schooling]

We love you Angela!

[Denise Provance Mabie]

Praying for you Sister!