This morning as I was nursing the baby her brother kept tickling her, poking her and doing anything else he could to make her laugh. At first I asked him to stop. I wanted her to nurse and be done so that I could get on with my day. And then I remembered this is my day. If any mother should understand how quickly the years fly by it should be me. My oldest child is eighteen years old. My youngest is just over a year. And there are five sandwiched (very loosely) in between. I know how fleeting this all is. And yet here I was wanting to get on with the day. Whatever that means. Is there some measure of success in getting the laundry done sooner? I don't think so. And if there is, I don't want to know about it. Thankfully I caught myself this time, took a breath, and laughed. And then, together, we tickled the baby and made her laugh. And of course we laughed too, because you can't be around a laughing baby and not laugh. I don't think that's possible.
The short version of why this moment stood out to me is this: my perspective on life changed when my dad died. In a nutshell, I became e whose happiness was based on the circumstances around them. If things went smoothly. If people did what I expected them to do. If things didn't fall apart. If plans didn't fail. If my washing machine didn't break and keep breaking for the next year and a half. If. If. If. You get the idea. But the reality has been that my need for things to go smoothly has been the greatest distraction in my life. When you are so concerned about things going the right way or the way you think they should go you often miss what is happening in the moment. A look from your husband. A whisper from a little one. Reading aloud. Again. Making dinner. Bathing the babies. Getting up while it is still dark. Cherishing a very few minutes alone (instead of sighing when you hear the patter of little feet while it is still dark). These are a few of the things that life is made up of. So I keep whispering to myself cherish the day.
So today the goal is not for things to go smoothly, but to embrace my life when it doesn't. I'll let go of the unimportant things and be grateful for every little blessing.
Good job Angela! I like it!
Posted by: Ginger Schooling | 08/22/2011 at 05:34 PM
A very good reminder for all of us, not just the ones with little ones!
Posted by: Laurie M. | 08/22/2011 at 06:16 PM
Angela! You ARE here!
So lovely to hear your voice in words again. I hear you have undertaken even more mothering (I saw that 18 year old daughter at Emma's wedding) and I bet you are busy.
I'm glad you are cherishing the moments:-)
~Analene
Posted by: Momma Bug | 08/23/2011 at 09:24 PM